drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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