the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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