It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Couch. On fire.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
