I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
