I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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