Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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