the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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