she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
