you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
