why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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