Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
