Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
