i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
