Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
