I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
