At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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