I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
