My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
