Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
