my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
