We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
