I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
