i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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