i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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