: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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