I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
