A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She even gives head with a lisp.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
