I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
