there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
