I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
