I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
