This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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