Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
