Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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