If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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