i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
