i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
