i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize