he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
