the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
