Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
