I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
