there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
