You're completely useless in the revolution.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
