sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
