I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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