i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
