I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
