Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
