so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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