the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
