i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
