Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
