turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize