i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
