I am spending my child support on dildos
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
