I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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