The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
