listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
