it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
