I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't turn off my feet"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
