i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
