We're facebook friends in real life
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
