i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
